I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
