I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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