bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
