Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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