the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
