I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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