Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
