I can text with my tongue
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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