just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
