we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
