if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
