I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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