WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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