What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
vagina is talking i cant
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
