Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
