How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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