He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
