the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
