I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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