i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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