sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
