just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
