Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
fuck your aforementioned shoe
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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