Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
