i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
