I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
