If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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