I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
