i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
