fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
