just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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