WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
