What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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