I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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