goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
