my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
