just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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