She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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