it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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