dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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