Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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