i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
