careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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