Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
