Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
