So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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