i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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