their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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