I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
