Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
