I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
