I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I FOUND THE LEGS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
