we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
