ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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