I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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