I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
