Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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