I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
