I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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