He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
