So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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